Separation anxiety is not only painful to your child, but also painful to the parent.  Most parents will be able to recall some instance where their child was extremely clingy and tearful at the prospect of their mom or dad leaving them somewhere or with someone that suddenly became a baby monster.  The reason why it is so easy for all parents to recall, is because it is a normal part of development in your child’s life.

In the first couple of months of a baby’s life your baby does not differentiate in whose arms she is, the only important thing is that they are loving and meeting her immediate needs.  From
month 7 to 14 , your baby starts to understand the concept of object permanence.  This means that even when Mommy leaves the room for only a couple of seconds; baby fears that she has disappeared forever.  Children at this age do not have the concept of time which makes it difficult to even leave for a second without tears flowing. During the toddler years , our children usually becomes very anxious at the prospect of us leaving them, but luckily can be easily distracted by activities to stop crying. Usually when you go around the corner of the classroom, she is happily building a puzzle or playing with a friend. Tears usually come again when you pick your child up and they are reminded of the fact that you left them. After the age of 5 years , children usually have bonded securely with their parents and trust them to return when they are dropped off at school or left with a babysitter.

Separation anxiety shows itself in different ways.  You might recognize some of these:

• Crying and whining
• Clinging
• Shyness
• Silence and unwillingness to talk to other caregivers.

Separation anxiety can be triggered by traumatic events like a sibling’s birth, moving of house, changing of schools or even a simple change in daily routine.

When does normal developmental separation anxiety turn into Separation Anxiety Disorder?

• When a child still reacts with the same intensity when separated from caregivers, even though she has reached the age (5+) where you would not expect it from her.
• Her anxiety and crying is excesssive.
• When she fears that something bad will happen to her parents when she is away from them.
• When panic symptoms are present, for example heart palpitations, sweating, dizziness, etc.
• Nightmares are present that are about being separated from her parents.
• When an older child still have a fear of sleeping alone.
• When a child becomes worried about being lost, kidnapped or having to go to events without her parents.
• Physical symptoms in anticipation of separation like headaches and stomach aches are worrisome.
• School refusal because of not wanting to be separated is an important indicator.

What are the effects of Separation Anxiety Disorder on the development of a child?

Separation Anxiety Disorder can have a serious impact on future relationships of a child.  These children are unwilling to enter into normal settings where friendships and also teacher-child relationships can develop.  Isolation is a very real threat to children and they can become detached from others. Isolation and detachment can lead to related disorders like agoraphobia, panic disorder and school phobia.

What are the risks for your child to develop Separation Anxiety Disorder?

• A scary event that your child heard of experienced may entrench her fear of being separated fro her parents.
• Serious or long term separation from parents (parent in military) can contribute to SAD.
• Significant change in the child’s life for example divorce can pose a risk for developing SAD.
• Constant and tangible stress in the family.
• Illness of a parent, sibling or the child self.
• An extremely close-knit family constitutes a risk factor.
• Children that are temperamentally fearful and withdrawn or passive and shy stand a higher chance of developing SAD.
• Insecure caregiver-child attachment can lead to SAD, because the child never learns that they can trust the person who is supposed to care of them.

Treatment options for Separation Anxiety Disorder :

• Cognitive Behavior Therapy
• Family Therapy
• Play Therapy
• Bibliotherapy and
• The teaching of relaxation techniques and bio-feedback.

The development of Separation Anxiety Disorder cannot always be prevented, but parents can start early to help their child go through this developmental phase painlessly:

1. Time separations to be at times when your child’s basic needs are met, for instance after a meal or a nap.
2. Practice with your child to be separated for short periods from you – let the babysitter sit with her while you leave the room for a couple of minutes at a time.
3. Stay calm and be consistent in your reactions to your child when she is fearful of you leaving. If you become emotional it will only lead to her mood escalating.
4. If you promise to be back at a certain time, ALWAYS make sure you keep your promises.  This teaches your child that you are trustworthy.
5. Try to introduce your child to the babysitter before leaving her for the first time and also make sure that she knows the environment that she will be left in.
6. It is always good to have a goodbye-ritual.  It can consist of a hug, a kiss and a wave.  Rituals make life predictable and safe.
7. With older children you must acknowledge their feelings and remind them of their previous successes.
8. Stories of children being able to overcome their fears of being left alone provides role models for children.
9. Always plan ahead and prepare your child for the separation.  Surprises upsets children and make them feel vulnerable.