Parenting

How to take back your bed

By: lee
Published August 19th 2010, in Sleep, Sleeping in own bed

Many parents complain about sore bodies in the morning after having to share their bed with one, or sometimes more than one little person at night. Children have the ability, however small, to take over the whole bed – having both parents hanging to the side of the bed just to stay on. The most common strategy to conquer the bed is the horizontal approach to occupation. No wonder we are in pain when the sun finally rises.

Family beds are not new. In some cultures it has been done for thousands of years. I agree, it does enhance bonding and give children an extreme sense of safety and security. Problems arise when you are not able to be there physically to play the role of the human pacifier. Sharing a bed with your child also deprives you and your partner of much needed privacy and worst of all (personally) is the fact that you might be sharing a bed when your newly potty trained girl have a little accident…

Why do we do this to ourselves? It is because, the little person knows that at 2 am your resistance is at an all time low. It is much easier to let her just jump into bed with you, than get up and try to get a hysterical child to sleep in her own bed in her own room. The biggest problem is that when you allow it once, they know that if they persevere in their crying, eventually tiredness will win the battle and the bed will be their prize. Worst of all, if one is in, how can you deny entry to the next one? It is just not fair…

What are the possible causes of your child’s night time wandering?

Night Time Fears: Fear of monsters, spiders, etc. drives children every night to a big person’s bed. Arming your child with a flashlight, a monster deterring spray bottle or a protecting stuffed animal might do the trick.
Jealousy: Sometimes jealousy prompts a child to get extra attention at night. A sibling with special needs, or a newborn might make a child feel deprived and being able to snuggle at night will give much needed comfort.
Fear of Growing Up: Some children are afraid of growing up – being small enough to share their parents’ bed reassures them that they will not lose affection and protection.

Some tips to keep your child in their own bed:

Make your child’s room look inviting. Decorate it age appropriately – is she into Barbie or Pooh Bear? If it looks nice, she will want to spend time there. The more time she spends there, the more comfortable she will feel in that environment – even at night time.
The size of the bed might play a role. Going directly from a crib to a single bed might be scary for a little one. Putting up a guard rail might make her feel safer. Another option is to use a toddler bed as a transition bed. Toddler beds usually come in fun shapes and that can add to the attractiveness of the room.
A special bedtime routine provides precious time that you and your child spend together giving her the much needed sense of security and bonding with you. A bedtime routine that is followed every day gives your child a feeling that things are predictable and safe.
Many children get up at night to go to the bathroom. Make sure your little one goes to the toilet just before bed time. If she does get up at night to come to your bed, redirect her to the bathroom, which she might need and make sure she goes to her own bed after that.
Do not lie down. If you lie down with her until she is asleep, she will assume that you are there for the duration of her sleep. Waking up and finding herself alone, will cause anxiety and tears.
Establish the rule of sleeping in your own bed. If it is a rule, everyone has to adhere to it, even mommy and daddy. Mommies are not allowed to become weak when there is crying and whining. (This is for me the difficult part). If she comes to your bed, she has to walk back immediately. Important though: No child should feel it is a punishment to go to bed.
A mattress next to the bed, might help to reduce tears. She is allowed to sleep in your room, but not in your bed. It is usually not as comfortable to sleep on the mattress and she might make the decision to move back to her bed on her own.
15 Minutes snuggle time before bed reassures your child that she is safe and loved. Reassure her that you are near at all times whilst she is sleeping, this helps her to know she is safe.
Reinforce the fact that sleeping in your own bed is a sign of maturity. “If you were not such a big girl, we would not think that you can sleep in this bed all by yourself.”
Be patient! Rome was not built in one day – the fact that your child is looking for you at night, means that you are loved and they feel loved by you!

Rest assured, your teenage girl or boy will not want to share their parents’ bed. There is light at the end of the tunnel!

How much sleep does my child need?

By: lee
Published August 17th 2010, in How much Sleep is needed, Sleep

I often wonder about our preoccupation with how much sleep our children need. I think we subconsciously need to know that our children do need more sleep than they are actually getting in the hope that they will eventually learn how to sleep for longer. And all of this in order for us to be able to close our eyes for a little bit longer.

Sleep is important to all creatures and all people of all ages. We need sleep to give our bodies much needed rest to prepare for the next day. When we sleep, our brains brain sorts and stores information, replaces chemicals, and solves problems. Without sleep we become cranky, clumsy and not very nice to be around.

We now know why we need sleep, but just how much do we need?

1 – 4 Weeks old: Newborns need between 15 and 16 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. Unfortunately for tired mommies, they sleep for short periods of two to four hours at a time. Having not developed a circadian rhythm, they do not discriminate between day and night. Premature babies generally sleep more and colicky babies sleep less.

1 – 4 Months old: Babies of this age need between 14 and 15 hours of sleep per day. Luckily they develop more regular sleep patterns during this period. They start sleeping for longer periods at a time – 4 to 6 hours and generally this will be at night.

4 – 12 Months old: Babies still need between 14 and 15 hours of sleep, but it is becoming predictable with 3 naps during the day and a long stretch at night. A mid morning nap at about 9 am for about an hour, and early afternoon nap at about 12 for 1 to 2 hours and a late afternoon nap at about 4 will be enough rest during the day.

At about six months old, baby will drop the early morning nap and hopefully start sleeping through the night.

1 – 3 Years old: Toddlers need between 12 and 14 hours sleep a day. After 18 months baby usually drops another nap and therefore starts sleeping for longer at night. Toddlers typically go to bed between 7 and 9 at night and wake at between 6 and 8am.

3 – 6 Years old: Children of this age need between 10 and 12 hours of sleep at night. Up to the age of 3 they will probably still nap during the day, but at 5 years old we would expect a child to only sleep at night.

7 – 12 Years old: With school and busier social schedules, children start going to bed later and therefore do not always sleep as much as they should. The ideal is that they should still get between 10 and 11 hours of sleep, but on average this age group only gets 9 hours of sleep at night.

12 – 18 Years old: Sleep is especially important for growing teens. When we get upset with our teenagers that sleep until 11 over weekends, they are actually only doing what their bodies need. Teenagers manage well on between 8 and 9 hours sleep at night, but often have to make do with less due to social and school pressures.

Parents: Parents do best on as much sleep as possible. Unfortunately we have to fall in with our children’s sleep schedules and therefore often walk around with dark rings around our eyes. Do not become concerned when you see a mommy nodding off in the park or in the car waiting to pick up her darlings from school.

How to get my Baby to Sleep Through the Night

By: lee
Published July 29th 2010, in Sleeping Through the Night

Bringing a newborn home is one of the most wonderful experiences. Finally after the long wait, your baby is truly part of the family. Unfortunately you are truly on your own now as a family – no nursing staff to give you a much needed nap or cup of tea whilst breastfeeding, and of course no one with advice on tap.

You are tired after your first day visitors and settling in with bathing baby at home and the constant feeding and changing. Babies are hard work. Just as you finally put your head on your own pillow you hear a cry from babies room. This is the beginning of getting up – changing, feeding and settling baby, getting back into bed, just falling asleep, getting up, changing, feeding, settling baby, getting back into bed… You get the gist of this. It is one of the facts of life that most babies need feeds every three to four hours for at least the first two months of lives.

After three months of this routine you and your husband will truly be exhausted, with reason. Usually after month three parents are faced with the dilemma of how to get your baby to sleep through the night in order for you to get some zzz’s as well. A less tired mom makes a more tolerant mom the next day!

Not such an easy task – be careful who you voice your opinion on the issue to. There are two very different opinions about how to go about this important task. Some people believe firmly in teaching the baby to fall asleep unassisted, and other believe just as firmly that it is a parent’s role to help soothe a baby to sleep. Parent soothing vs. Self soothing.

Parent Soothing involves mommy nursing, rocking or singing baby to sleep. The advantages of parent soothing is that it helps your baby develop a healthy attitude about sleep. Sleep is not seen as punishment, but rather something that is pleasant. Above all it is a wonderful opportunity for bonding. The disadvantage of parent soothing is that your baby will not be able to fall asleep without you or any props that you might use to get her to sleep.

Self Soothing refers to parents who only give intermittent comfort to baby, but is not present when baby actually falls asleep. The advantage here is obviously that baby will learn to fall asleep by herself and will be able to put herself to sleep again if she should wake up during the night. The disadvantages is that the “cry-it-out” technique is very stressful to both baby and the parents. Baby might feel that she cannot trust her parents to be there for every need. Sometimes parents might be overlooking a real medical reason for baby being unable to sleep. Self soothing might lead to parents being less sensitive to baby’s cries.

I think we should realize that there is no one recipe that will work with all children. There is also not one recipe that will always work with one child. Babies and parents are all made unique and therefore their interactions will be unique. Do not listen to other people, do what feels right to you and what works best for you – anything that will give both you and baby the best quantity and quality of sleep. Remember there are no rules about where baby is allowed to sleep, and how to get her to sleep.It is important though that parents should agree on how to handle this difficult issue.

Here follows some tips to assist you in your quest for sleep:

What you can do during the day:

Realistic Attitude: Try to remain realistic in your expectations. A realistic attitude will assist baby to develop a healthy attitude towards sleep, which will be beneficial for the rest of her life. Sleep should be seen as pleasant and baby should feel secure when sleeping.
Daytime Mellowing: A baby that is calm during the day, will be calm at night. Stimulation is good, but over-stimulation will spill over into night time leading to a restless sleep. Babies that are carried and held a lot during the day feels secure and loved which in turns make sleeping at night easier.
Predictable and Consistent Naps: Pick times of the day when you are most tired for example 11 and 4. Lie down with baby at these times for about a week to get her into a daytime nap routine. Babies who have decent naps during the day sleep for longer stretches at night. Use the naptime to also get some much needed rest.
Filling the Tummy: Babies should learn that daytime is for eating and night time is for sleeping. A baby that has sufficient food during the day will be able to go without food for longer at night.
Bedtime Routine: A consistent routine of bathing at night, cuddling and feeding leaves the expectation that it is sleeptime. A predictable routine calms a baby and gives security.

How to get baby to fall asleep:

Nursing down: Nursing down refers to baby falling asleep at the breast or with a bottle, or becoming sleepy enough to put into her crib and fall asleep on her own.
Fathering down: This is when dad lets baby lie on his chest and put his chin on her head. His breathing and deep voice will soothe baby enough to fall asleep or calm enough to go to bed.
Rocking/Walking: Rocking or walking with baby will soon lead to sleep.
Nestling down: Some babies cannot fall asleep on their own. Nestling down refers to a parent having to snuggling next to baby until she is asleep.
Wearing down: A baby sling or carrier gives baby closeness and movements which is very calming.
Swinging down: Mechanical swings or chairs can help babies fall asleep, swinging and vibration has always been very effective.
Driving down: If all else fails putting baby in the car and taking her for a drive can help to get her to fall asleep. If she wakes very easily keep her in the car seat until her first night feed.

Stay Asleep Techniques:

Swaddling: Most babies feel secure when they are tightly wrapped up in a cotton blanket. The contrast between loose clothes worn during the day and being wrapped tightly at night will teach baby to associate swaddling with sleep.
Quiet Bedroom: Baby’s bedroom should be quiet without sudden loud noises. Even though the bedroom should be quiet, it does not mean that the whole house should be muted.
Darkness: A dark room will help a baby to sleep better. Block-out blinds will help to stop your baby from waking when the first rays of sun appear.
Sounds to sleep by: Some parents like to provide lullabies for baby to sleep to or other white noise. Baby will start to associate sleep with that particular sounds.
Remove physical discomforts: Make sure that your baby’s nose is open, that she does not have a wet or soiled nappy and that her sleepwear is not irritating her.
Warm bed: Placing a warm baby into a cold bed lead to a rude awakening. Put a warm water bottle on the sheets to warm up the bed before bedtime.

What to do when she wakes up:

Gentle patting: I find the faster you get to baby, the easier it is to soothe her back to sleep. Gentle rhythmical patting on her back or bum will quickly help her to fall asleep again.
Stay in room: Staying in the room when she gets herself to sleep again will help her feel safe.
Attachment objects: Dummies, blankies or any other attachment object can help her to fall asleep quickly.
Cry it out: This is the self soothing approach to getting her to fall asleep again. Baby should get used to falling asleep again without assistance within four days. You can either stay in the room with her or leave and come back every now and then just to reassure her that you are available. If you do choose this route it is important not to pick her up, or you will have to start all over again. You do not want her to learn that if she continues crying she will eventually be picked up.

Getting baby to sleep should be a team effort with both mom and dad equally involved. Good luck!

Single Parenting

By: lee
Published July 21st 2010, in Parenting, Single Parenting

From the moment we fall pregnant or your partner becomes pregnant, we are dealt a big blow of responsibility. Suddenly you are responsible for more than just yourself, and it is a bigger responsibility than you feel for your partner, because this little being is completely dependent on you and your partner. This is if you have a partner. Single parenting is becoming very common not just because of divorce or death of a spouse, but more recently out of choice. Being part of a team of two, who try our utmost to raise our daughters, I find it difficult to even fathom how challenging it must be to do it all on your own.

Single parenting requires dedication and willingness to sacrifice for your children. Most single parents are the only source of income in the family – therefore financial sacrifices are going have to be made. These financial restrictions are sometimes very difficult for children to understand, and mostly the parent start skimping on their own needs.

Being a single parent means that there is only one adult to make the difficult decisions regarding raising children. A single parent do not have the luxury of throwing their hands into the air and saying: “It is now your turn to make a decision”.

As the only adult in the house this parent now have to take on two roles – that of being mother and father. I do believe that lately the traditional roles assigned to parents have become blurred, but ultimately both roles need to be fulfilled. Jumping from having to discipline to nurture in the same breath can be exhausting!

Things I believe can help a single parent:

It is important to take time to communicate with your child – ask about what happened at school, with friends, sport, etc. Be involved with their extra mural activities – be their number one fan!
Tell your child what is happening in your life – good and bad. He must know that even though you are in control, that it is sometimes difficult being the only parent in the house. It would be good to model to your child that is ok to miss the other parent.
Be honest – the truth always comes out. The reasons for being a single parent should be discussed with your child if he asks about it. Just be sure to address it in an age appropriate manner.
Both parents are important to a child – Never speak ill of the other parent.
Get involved in your own life and activities again, even if it is difficult. Best way to start of is to do it when your child is at school or busy with other activities, therefore they will not feel neglected and you build a social life for yourself again. This will help you to keep sane!
Ask for help when you need – grandparents, brothers or sisters and friends are worried about you and would like to help without looking like they want to interfere. Ask and you will receive help.
Do not over protect your children – they can and would like to take on new responsibilities in the new family setting. Empower them to help you run the household smoothly.
Even if difficult – you will only be able to move on with your life when you have forgiven your ex. I do realize it takes time and sometimes outside help to achieve this, but it will benefit you and your children in the future.
All your children are struggling to adjust. It is very important to give equal attention to all of them. Some children act out and others withdraw, it is easy to give all your attention to the one that is acting out and inadvertently not give enough attention to the child who seems to be coping.
Set realistic expectations for yourself, then you will not disappoint the children or feel guilty about not living up to promises that you made. You are only one person trying to do the job made for two people.
Your children should know that you are the authority figure in the house. They are allowed to give input into decisions, but the ultimate decision is yours.
Although, many single parents will say where do you think I should get the time for this, it is sometimes beneficial emotionally and socially to become part of a single parents support group.

As mentioned, I am not a single parent, but I am an adult that is going through my parents divorce. Please share advice and dilemmas that you as a single parent experience.

Childhood Rashes

By: lee
Published June 29th 2010, in Health, Rashes

Parents become extremely worried when a rash appears on their little one’s body. It is therefore important that parents can differentiate between the most common rashes and know when it is imperative to visit your doctor.

Rashes can often be attributed to an infection (viral or bacterial), a reaction to medicine taken or an allergic reaction.

The most common viral and bacterial causes of childhood rashes are the following:

Chickenpox: This rash is preceded with fever, a sore throat and fatigue. When the rash appears it is small blisters that eventually ruptures and form lesions with a crust. There is no treatment for chickenpox except medications that will alleviate the fever and extreme icthyness of the blisters. It is important to know that no child with chickenpox should be given aspirin. A doctor should be consulted immediately if the little blisters form on the tip of your child’s nose or in their eyes.
Measles: Measles start with nasal congestion, red eyes, a cough, high fever and a decrease in activity and appetite. The rash only appears 3 to 4 days after the initial symptom – it is a brown rash that starts and spreads down the body. Immunization is available against measles.
German Measles (Rubella): All pregnant should make sure that they are immune to the rubella virus, it can cause serious complications for an unborn baby. In infants and older children it is not a serious illness and is usually better within 4 days. German measles starts as a pink rash on the face that spreads down the body and it is accompanied by swollen lymph nodes behind the ears and in the neck.
Scarlet Fever: Scarlet fever is a illness due to strep throat. It is identified by a sore throat, fever, headache, swollen glands and sometimes abdominal pain. The rash appears after 2 days as a superficial red rash with a sandpaper-like feel. It usually look like the face is flushed.
Fifth Disease: Only about 1 out of 4 children infected by this virus will become ill and present with low grade fever, headache, sore throat, nausea and/or diarrhea, bright cheeks and sometimes sore joints.
Roseola Infantum: This is a disease that is most common with children under the age of two years. It is often very upsetting to parents with small children, because the high fever can last for up to 8 days. Children with “baby measles” have a high fever, small pink flat spots that start on their trunk and then spread to their extremities. This will clear up without treatment, but the fever can be managed with acetaminophen. Aspirin and aspirin-like products should ALWAYS be avoided in children as it can cause a life-threatening condition called Reye’s syndrome.

If any rash causes you worry it would be better to consult your doctor. When your child have flat purple spots accompanied by high fever you should take your child to the emergency room or doctor as soon as possible to rule out the possibility of meningitis or other life-threatening diseases.

Spanking our Children

By: lee
Published May 14th 2010, in Discipline, Reinforcement

In a recent interview the American Psychological Association had with parenting expert Alan Kazdin (PhD) he explained that spanking is not an effective discipline strategy to use. He says that it does not teach the child an alternative behavior and does not work in suppressing it for longer than the moment. According to his research the rate of the behavior does not decline, your child will repeat the behavior even if the punishment becomes more severe.

Most of us think: “I was spanked as a child, and I turned out ok.” Many people smoke for years without contracting lung cancer, they are exceptions. Dr. Kazden says that this does not refute the fact that cigarettes are harmful to your lungs.

“There is a good deal of research that has already been conducted that shows that anything beyond very mild physical punishment does not work in the long term and has negative consequences. While not all child development experts agree, my advice to parents is to avoid physical punishment altogether; there are simply more effective ways to teach and discipline your child.”

The alternative methods he suggests is using positive reinforcement as a discipline strategy. Positive reinforcement does not only focus on the “bad” behavior, but takes into consideration the events that go before the behavior as well as the consequences.

Dr. Kazden is quick to agree that he does not believe that all forms of physical punishment should be seen as abuse. Everything should be seen in context and severity and frequency should be taken into consideration before someone jumps to conclusions.

Mommy Burnout

By: admin
Published April 22nd 2010, in Burnout, Parenting

So you are not perfect. You are not the mom who is home schooling four children, the mom who teaches Sunday school, the mom who cooks vegetable soup for the church’s soup kitchen from her own organically grown vegetables, the mom who volunteers every Saturday at the local hospice, the mom who is the head of the home schooling association, the mom who sews all the costumes for the ballet concert, the mom who is at every sport match her extremely well balanced and over achieving children are the stars of and you are not the mom who can still make time to train for an ultra marathon and attend the marriage enrichment course to make sure her marriage is in perfect shape. You are also not the mom who collapses at 8 pm to only wake from a coma like state to resume her daily tasks at 4 am in order to prepare a healthy balanced breakfast for her family of 6, but forgets to eat herself. I say, count your blessings.

Many mommies do not realize, but many are already burnt out or on the verge of burnout. If you thought it is only lawyers, stock brokers, doctors and other people in high powered jobs who can suffer from burnout, you were truly mistaken. We found that outside the world of paid work, caregivers are most prone to burn out. Caregivers are those people who devote their time and energy to serving people who cannot take care of themselves or need assistance in taking care of themselves and do not get remuneration for it. If you follow that train of thought, aren’t all mothers caregivers 24/7?

Why do mommies burn out? I think mommies are doing too much. We often forget that moms are daughters, wives, sisters, employees, friends and many things more. We do not just fulfill one role in life, motherhood is just added to the mix of roles which all have their demands on our time and energy. Moms also tend to do too much for our children. Why do we still set the table, wash the dishes, fold the laundry and make their beds when our children are old enough to help with all these tasks. What we see as mindless routine tasks might even give your child a sense of being an important member of the family who is needed to help things run like a well oiled machine. Moms are so worried that our children will be weighed and found too lite in comparison to their friends, that we fill their schedules with endless activities and therefore we are rushing from one end to the other. Nobody gets much needed free time.

Mommies feel so guilty about me-time. When you finally take some time for yourself, you tend to spend it worrying about the children. Are they okay with the babysitter? Did they eat enough without my supervision? I hope they are not getting to many sweets! Oh my goodness, I did not tell the sitter to make sure that they have to brush teeth and go to the loo before bed time! Instead of enjoying the precious moments alone or with friends, you worry and end up talking about the children the whole time. To reiterate: we are more than just moms, enjoy being a friend, a wife, a daughter fully without feeling that you should have spent this time with your child teaching her some important skill.

Mommies mother in isolation. Being a mom nowadays is an extremely competitive occupation and we do it all alone. Why? Because if everyone else can do it, it will make me a bad mom if I need to ask for help. My mother and her mother had to take care of even more children without any support, I will be a failure if I ask a granny to pick up my children from school and do homework with them. Times have also changed and many extended families are scattered geographically – making it difficult to ask for help.

Burnout, I think, is a result of unrealistic expectations we set for ourselves, constant self-criticism if we do not meet those expectations, feelings of not getting acknowledged for what we put into parenting and taking on too many responsibilities because of thinking it will make us better mothers. These negative thoughts leads to a mom being in a constant state of exhaustion physically, mentally and spiritually. It leads to a loss of enthusiasm, energy, idealism, perspective and purpose. We end up where there are too many demands and way too little resources.

Burnout is a serious psychological condition due to the prolonged stress experienced when we keep up the negative thought cycle, which might warrant some psychological assistance to overcome. There are certain symptoms to look out for:

Physical Symptoms:

Feeling tired and drained most of the time
Lowered immunity, feeling sick often
Headaches
Back pain
Muscle aches
Change in appetite and sleep habits.

Emotional Symptoms:

Feeling like a failure and doubting yourself often
Feeling helpless
Feeling alone
Loss of motivation
Negative outlook on life
Decreased sense of satisfaction in thing you previously enjoyed
Loss of sense of accomplishment.

Behavioral Symptoms:

Withdrawing from responsibilities
Isolating yourself
Procrastinating
Using food, alcohol or medicines to help you cope
Being irritable and quick to react with anger.

If you suspect that you are on the road to burnout it is important that you slow down, cut back and get support from friends and family. You have to sit down and reevaluate your goals and priorities in life. It is time to make sure that your basic needs are met – eat regular meals and get enough sleep. Spend your free time wisely without worrying about your children. Most importantly change your mindset from trying to be SUPERMOM to just being yourself. Do what you do with love and authority and have fun being a mom. Many women would love to have the privilege you have to be a mom!

Teaching your Child to Listen

By: lee
Published April 19th 2010, in Listening Skills

Are you tired after a weekend of trying to get through to your child, raising your voice and scolding even punishing your child for not listening to you? I sure am. I feel like my children are so used to my voice (constant nagging?) that they perceive it as background noise – irritating background noise. Not very flattering to be ranked similar to the rumbling of the tumble drier. When do I pay attention to the tumble drier – only when it makes funny noises or when I am glad to hear that the cycle has finished. In other words, my children only listen when I scream or they hear me saying what they want to hear.

Children today can sit in front of the television set listening to their i-pods and playing on their nintendo’s. Being a tumble drier myself, I can understand that I would be ranked right at the bottom when I try to get my voice heard. Our children are constantly bombarded with engaging media and we as parents do not have enough glitz and glamour or animation to compete on a level playing ground.

We have to teach our children to actively listen, because there is a difference between hearing and listening. Listening leads either to gathering information, understanding or enjoyment. Hearing does not necessarily lead to any action or response. I sat in the car with my two daughters when the youngest kept on repeating the same question over and over and over again. Her sister did not respond. When I got fed up and raised my voice and told her to answer her sister, she immediately shouted the answer back to her sister. What does this illustrate? Even though she heard the question, she was not listening and therefore did not to respond. Interestingly she shouted the answer back at her sister – maybe she feels she also will not be heard if she does not speak louder. Listening is active, hearing is passive.

Reading is such a powerful way to teach children to listen. Sitting down in a quiet room with your children and reading a story to them, will keep them spellbound. And the bonus – they are giving their full attention to your voice and learning how to listen. In addition to teaching active listening skills, reading promotes bonding with your child. Reading teaches children how to communicate effectively, aids in language development, increases attention span, stimulates imagination and teaches what socially acceptable behavior is.

After reading a story, you can test how much they listened. Engage with your child by asking questions about the characters, who they identified with, would they have behaved the same or differently to the hero or villain in the story. While reading a story they know well, change the names of the characters and see how quickly they correct you. Wow – they were actually listening to you!

Other games you can play with your child to promote listening skills is:

Sit outside, close your eyes and see how many sounds you can recognize
Put a variety of objects that make sounds in a bag, take one by one and let your child try to identify the object – bells, rattles, squeaky toys etc.
Play around with rythms. Use your voice to teach difference in pitch, loud/soft, fast/slow etc. Play music and let your child clap with the music.
“Simon Says” is an old game, but still very effective especially if mommy is also willing to make a fool of herself. Kids love to laugh at their parents.
Listen to stories on a CD in the car.
Play “I went to the store and bought an apple.” Everyone gets to add on an item, but has to remember all of them in sequence.
Start a story and allow everyone to add a sentence to the story.
Songs with movement is fun and good to teach your child to give the appropriate gesture when they hear a certain word in the song.
Play with walkie talkies! Your child will be more than willing to follow every instruction you give – maybe try: “Go upstairs and clean up your room. Over.”

Important strategies to incorporate into your daily life to help your child to listen to you is:

Have a rule that your child must listen to you the first time you speak.
When you speak, make eye-contact with your child.
Give clear and short instructions.
Give your full attention to her to get her full attention.
Tell her how many things she has to remember. For example: “You have to remember to do three things – pack the puzzle away, get you pajamas and come to the bathroom.”
Repeat the keywords to her – “puzzle, pajamas and bathroom”
Remember to praise her for her efforts to listen.

Most important of all my advice is to model active listening behavior to your child. If you do not listen when she speaks to you, she learns that she does not have to listen to you. When you listen to your child try to make sure there will be no interruption and be patient. Children struggle to verbalize what they want to say to us as fast as we can. Waiting patiently for her to say what she wants to say, teaches her that she is important enough for you to take time to listen to her and that she should have respect to also listen to you in a similar way!

What my Baby Should Eat

By: lee
Published February 25th 2010, in Baby Years, Breastfeeding, Development, Nutrition

Most of the babies’ awake time is spend on feeding in the first two weeks of his life. Time devoted to feeding differs from baby to baby, but it is commonly between eight and fourteen times a day; giving the mom/caregiver breaks of between 1 and a half and 5 hours at a time.

The debate between breastfeeding and bottlefeeding is ongoing with the proponents of breastfeeding pointing out the following advantages:

The anti-bodies in breastmilk provides the baby important immunity against various illnesses like allergies, bronchitis and pneumonia.
Breastfed babies tend to have healthier teeth and are less likely as adults to develop arteriosclerosis early in life.
Breast milk has the advantage of being easily digested by babies and the fat in mothersmilk gets absorbed almost 100%, while on average only 80% of the fat in formula gets absorbed.
The risk of obesity in bottlefed babies is higher than for breastfed babies. The most commonly accepted explanation being that babies being breast fed stop sucking when they are not hungry anymore, whilst a mom bottlefeeding might believe that the bottle should be emptied.
Breastfeeding is more practical – being more economical, always available and at the right temperature. This mother also does not to carry all the preparations necessary for bottlefeeding when leaving the house.
Breastfeeding can give the baby an extra sense of security with the advantage of better bonding.

Their counterparts believe:

That bottlefeeding can give a similar bond between mother and child and does not hold any negative consequences for social relationships in the future.
It gives the mother a feeling of physical freedom which the breastfeeding mother does not have.
Substances like tabaco, alcohol and medicines can be transferred to the baby via breastmilk. This will not happen when the baby is bottlefed.
Some mothers cannot or do not want to breastfeed. If these mothers can bottlefeed without the negative association with breastfeeding, the bonding process can continue unscathed.
The threat of transferring HIV to an infant should also be considered as a potential draw-back of breastfeeding.
It gives the working mother the opportunity to continue with her career, knowing that her child is getting sufficient nutrition.
Babies can be affected negatively by certain foods, and may even be allergic, this impacts on the mother’s ability to choose food and can lead to alot of anxiety around food choices.

The group of people supporting bottlefeeding are not by any way saying that breastfeeding is bad, they would just like more tolerance and respect for mothers who decide to go the route of giving their child formula.

The Battle of Fruit and Veg

By: admin
Published January 19th 2010, in Fruit and Vegetables, Nutrition

If you are lucky enough to have a child that likes to eat fruit and vegetables, sit down and count your blessings, while I will quickly go green with envy. Most children start their dietary life of on fruit and veg, and then suddenly, like the onset of menopause, they develop an absolute aversion to the idea of having to place a single piece of fruit in their mouth. My daughter, Jemma, will not partake in anything at the breakfast, lunch or dinner table that resembles healthy food in any way. In her words :”I do not do healthy.”

My frustration has lead me to google tips to entice her to eat fruit and vegetables. Here is what I found, no guarantees that it will work, but I will give it a try:

Be a role model. If you eat fruit and veg on a daily basis (without pulling nasty faces) your child will probably over time start to imitate your healthy habits.
Explain the benefits of eating healthy food. If there is no reason to eat healthy food, why should they? It is important not to dwell on the long term benefits, but rather focus on how much the broccoli will help her swim extra fast at her swimming lesson this afternoon. I found this brilliant site which allows children to discover for themselves the benefit of good food whilst playing a computer game. Have a look at MyPyramid Blast Off Game (http://www.mypyramid.gov/kids/kids_game.html).
Give them a choice. Take your child to the shops and give her the chance to choose the vegetables she is willing to try out. Having a say in the matter is a good motivator to try something new.
Small bites. If you haven’t tried something before, it feels safer to start off with a small bite. If your child has not tried grapes before – start with one grape and not a bunch of grapes.
Availability. Make sure that the fruit and veg you want your child to eat, is always readily available. It does not help to hide it away in the fridge while the cookie jar is on the kitchen counter. It is important that they know that they can help themselves to it without having to ask permission.
The problem with snacking. All children have the odd snack here and there, try to avoid unhealthy snacks when healthier options are available. Filling up on biscuits and crackers just before dinner will not promote vegetable consumption at the dinner table. If they really need a snack before dinner, sneak a small bite of the veg or salad going to the dinner table to them without anyone seeing…
Freezing cold. Serving frozen fruit or even vegetables on a stick might convince her to give it a try – even just because of the novelty value of it.
Portioning. Allow your child to dish up for herself at the dinner table. Being able to decide on their own portions will probably lead to dishing up a bigger variety of foods, with smaller less overwhelming helpings.
Soups and dips. I am still to meet the child who does not like dipping a french fry into tomato sauce. Providing dips for vegetables and fruit might just entice them to give something new a try. Many children love soups and vegetables can easily be added without really changing the taste of old favorites.
Become the farmer. When children plant their own fruit or vegetables, they develop a sense of ownership and achievement. Something so natural surely cannot be all bad?
Perseverance. If you want to succeed – you need to toughen up and keep on serving the same fruits and vegetables, even when you experience a great sense of rejection. Fruit and vegetables are a acquired taste, so you have to give your little one some time.
Deception. If all else fails, hide vegetables in their firm favorites like spaghetti bolognaise. What they do not know will not harm them…

I hope that the tips and dips might make the road ahead easier. Ultimately all teenage girls turn into vegetarians and then we will wonder why we went to all the trouble.

Dine Without Whine – A Family Friendly Weekly Menu Planner

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