Parenting

Teaching your child all he needs to know about money

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Published January 26th 2009, in Need to Know

Children seem to develop a fascination with money early on.  Think back to when you reprimanded your baby for putting coins into her mouth and how you had to tell your toddler repeatedly that money is not a toy. Unfortunately shortly after that you enter the phase where your child becomes the ultimate consumer – wanting everything without understanding the value of money.  Most toddlers see parents paying with credit cards, thinking that it is a magical card that can pay for anything and that there is no limit to the amount of things that can be purchased.

Children need to learn about money from an early age.  Owning money gives a person a decision-making ability.  The way children learn to spend money and how they perceive their parents’ spending abilities will influence their own future financial decisions.

I found that there are five core concepts that a child should learn with regards to money:
1.    Earning: Earning money gives your child the freedom to purchase that desired toy.  They feel recognized for their efforts and their self-esteem gets a boost.  They learn that if their work is not up to scratch and they do not perform it regularly they will not be compensated.  They realize that they have a choice in how they would like to earn money.  They learn to evaluate the time, skills and energy that certain jobs require and if they are up to it. 
2.   Spending: Children learn that they have to decide whether to spend money on the items they need or just really want.  Children realize that there is a limited amount of money that can be spent.  They have to start comparing items and make decisions.  Children learn to take responsibility for their spending behavior.  A very important thing to teach your child is to keep accurate records of their purchases.
3.    Borrowing: Grown-ups often fall into a debt trap through borrowing more than they can realistically pay back on a monthly basis. It is important that your child learns early on about the cost of borrowing.  All that is borrowed have to be paid back, often with interest. Children need to learn when borrowing is appropriate and deal with the consequences.
4.    Sharing :  Sharing gives your child the opportunity to experience the good feeling of giving and see the response of the receiver.  It is good to instill an attitude of helping others even if you do not receive recognition.
5.   Saving: Probably the most important and difficult concept for young ones to understand.  Saving enables children to get what they need or desire at a future dated time, when they do not currently have enough money available to purchase it.  In other words it teaches children how to deal with delayed gratification.  Children should also learn the difference between planned savings (to buy that certain toy) and regular saving (for a rainy day).

The abilities children need in order to have an understanding of money is basic mathematical knowledge and the ability to see things from someone else’s point of view.


 Some helpful tips:

  • Introduce your child to the concept of money as soon as they can count.
  • It is important that children attach value to money – a never-ending supply of money is a myth.
  • A child needs to be able to differentiate between needs, wants and wishes.
  • Teach children the value of saving versus immediate spending.
  • Parents have to teach their children to set realistic goals for themselves.
  • Pocket money should be given in denominations that encourage saving. If he receives $5 per week, give 5 $1 bills.
  • If possible take your child to a bank to open a banking account. Another option is to have your own KIDS BANK. The parent keeps a written record of all withdrawals and deposits.
  • Also encourage your child to keep his own record of his savings, spending, donations and investments.
  • Use shopping trips as opportunities to teach children the value of money. Compare similar items according to pricing and value.
  • Allow your child to make his own spending decisions. Sometimes wrong decisions teach important lessons.
  • Teach your child how to look at advertisements and how to evaluate their worth.
  • It is very important that children learn from early on the dangers of borrowing money.
  • Many children do not understand the abstract concept of a credit card. Teach them how a credit card should be used responsibly.
  • Most important of all is to teach your child by setting an example.

Potty Training your Child

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Published January 26th 2009, in Potty Training

Potty training a child is a major milestone for parents and child alike.  Everyone knows that society expects competent members to be able to use a toilet – the getting there with your young child is the major headache.  There are as many theories out there as the amount of different colored potties.

The debate hinges around issues like when the right time it to potty train your child and how long the process should be.  Some theorists believe leave your child naked and a victim of his own wee and poop, whilst others believe that the child should set the pace.  All this confusion and frustration building up between the will of the parent and the natural response of the child, led to the point where potty training problems currently are the 2nd most common provocation for fatal child abuse in the US.

Just to add to the debate, I decided to share my take on potty training.  The following are the abilities your child will need to be able to start potty training from a physical perspective:

  • He must be able to sit
  • He must be able to walk
  • He must be able to stand independently
  • He must have the ability to follow simple instructions
  • He has to have the physical dexterity to pull down his pants.

From a more emotional aspect it is necessary for a child to show an interest in potty training and the toilet, as well as being cooperative.

Indicators that your child is ready to be toilet trained in addition to the above is:

  • When there seems to be some bladder control. This is when you find that the diapers stay dry for periods of 2 – 3 hours at a time.
  • When his bowel movements come at predictable times.
  • When your child asks to be changed or indicates that he feels uncomfortable in the dirty diaper.
  • When expresses interest in underwear and how toilets work.

My suggestions as to the HOW is:

  1. Buy a potty.  Involve your child in the purchase.  If he shows more of an interest in the toilet than a potty, let him choose the inner seat of the toilet and a bench to reach it easily.  Make it clear to your child it is his – give him a sense of ownership.
  2. Change your child’s diapers often in order for him to get used to the feeling of being dry.  It might be advisable to switch to cheaper diapers at this point to emphasize the feeling of being wet or soiled.  New expensive diapers draw fluid away from the skin and lock it underneath a protecting layer.
  3. Start a routine of sitting on the potty.  Your child has to be comfortable with the potty.  Start off sitting on the potty fully clothed, moving to sitting on it with a diaper and then bare-bottomed.  Do not ever force your child to sit on the potty.
  4. Model toilet behavior to your child. Let your child accompany you to the loo.  Show them how to wipe, flush and put the toilet seat down.  Answer all questions honestly.
  5. Teach him toilet words.  There are many different ways to refer to urinating and bowel movements, choose the ones that you feel comfortable with.
  6. Start putting your child on the potty at times when you suspect that he would need it.  After nap time and about 20 minutes after meals are usually good times to start with.
  7. I took both my children to the potty once every 30 to 40 minutes.  I allowed them to sit for as long or short as they wished for.  Never prevent a child from getting up from the potty.
  8. Keep an encouraging attitude despite accidents.  More important:  Expect accidents!
  9. Once some control is established, remind them to go to the potty at certain times.
  10. Reward your child with brand new underwear after the first successful attempt.  I found that Barbie and Spiderman works extremely well!
  11. Keep your child on a high fiber diet and increase his fluid intake.  This will make urinating and bowel movements easier, increasing the chances of successful attempts.  Every successful attempt will give your child a sense of achievement, leading to him being more confident about his abilities.
  12. Do not punish your child for accidents and do not reward with anything else than things naturally associated with toilet behavior.

Training your child at night might be a different matter.  I would suggest keeping diapers on at the beginning, until you find that your child stays dry.  During naptimes I would however let them sleep without a diaper.

When major events happen in a child’s life, they often do regress and bladder control is often one of the developmental areas in which the do go back a few paces.  Stay encouraging and soon, despite many accidents he will be up and going again!

Oh no – not another temper tantrum!

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Published January 26th 2009, in Temper Tantrums and Rebellion

We all dread going to the shops with a toddler, because you just never know when she is going to explode into a screaming, kicking and whining little monster! (Said in the most loving way I can…)

I once heard of this lady walking down the aisles in the grocery store, I think she was in the cereal aisle when her daughter started whining for a specific brand of cereal, which was not on the shopping list. She stated her case to her 3 year old and kept on walking. The little girl threw a magnificent tantrum in response. The mom kept on walking saying in an utterly calm voice: "Stay calm Ellen, stay calm."  She kept on repeating this phrase walking with her daughter in the trolley, whilst her daughter kept on screaming.  An elderly gentleman walked up to her and complimented her on the way she was speaking to her daughter, coaxing her to calm down.  The mother turned around to him and said: "Actually I am Ellen."

No parent is lucky enough to escape the curse of toddler temper tantrums.  Tantrums are a normal part of growing up and should be expected. We should view tantrums as a developmental milestone and an opportunity to learn about acceptable and unacceptable behavior.

Why? Toddles throw tantrums when they experience frustration with their inability to master their world.  It often occurs when your child’s limited language abilities prevents him to communicate his needs accurately.  It is helpful to keep in mind that toddlers understand much more than they are able to effectively communicate to us.  In addition to the language barrier, is the toddler’s need for autonomy.  The child is trying his utmost to control his environment.
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There are certain known triggers that often set off a tantrum:

  • Being tired
  • Being hungry
  • Being uncomfortable (for example a dirty nappy)
  • When your child wants to do something that you will not allow
  • When you expect your child to do something he does not want to do
  • Wanting attention – remember negative attention is still better than no attention at all!
  • When he experiences frustration with his inability to master certain tasks that he set out for himself.

It is wise to try and avoid tantrums as far as possible – seeing that it is a negative experience for all parties involved. Here are some tips on how to avoid tantrums:

  1. Many tantrums are thrown when your child is looking for attention.  Even an occasional reassuring gesture will avoid your child for seeking negative attention.
  2. Try to give your child a sense of control.  Rather than just uttering your will give him limited choices.
  3. Keep the objects you know will lead to tantrums out of sight and out of reach.
  4. Toddlers have a short attention span, try to use it to your advantage by distracting your child through either changing the environment or offering new activities.
  5. Age-appropriate tasks limit your child’s frustration for not being able to master tasks set out for him.
  6. As a parent you have to choose your battles. Ask yourself if your child’s request is really unreasonable.
  7. Give fewer instructions at a time.

If the inevitable still occurs, these tactics might be helpful:

  1. Keep your cool!
  2. Do not hit or spank your child for throwing a tantrum – it is a reward for seeking attention.
  3. Try and understand the cause for the tantrum.  If you understand why your child is frustrated, it is easier to find a reasonable solution.
  4. Ignore a tantrum, but keep your child within your sight to prevent him from hurting himself.
  5. If you are in a public place, try to remove your child to a calm and quiet area. Usually your car would be a good place where you can strap him into his car seat and allow him to become calm.  Unfortunately this is not always possible.
  6. Do not ever reward your child by giving in to his demands.  This sets a president that tantrums actually work.
  7. Try to give loving reassurance once he has calmed down.
  8. Try to cut down on the amount of times you say no per day.
  9. Try to be reasonable without trying to reason with him.
  10. Time-outs give your child the opportunity to calm down.  It is important that your child is able afterwards to explain why he was put into time-out.
  11. It is wise to warn your child of changes that are going to happen. Give warnings like: "five minutes to bath time, that means only five minutes of playing left."
  12. Routine makes life predictable for a child and is often the best way to guard against unwanted tantrums.

We often do not realize that the manner in which we deal with daily frustrations might be what our child mimics when things do not go the way he wants it to play out.  Try to be a good model for your child.  In other words behave in the way you want your child to behave.

How To Help Your Shy Child

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Published January 26th 2009, in Shyness

Being shy is extremely painful for child and adult alike.  Luckily adults learn how to build their lives around their shyness, while children still need to learn how to cope with this debilitating fear.  Most shy adults will be quick to admit that they feel that they are not living a fulfilled life – they feel as if they are missing out on life.  Following this reasoning, we should try to teach our children to overcome shyness as far as possible.

What is shyness? Having experienced shyness first hand, I can tell you that being shy is a very uncomfortable fear of new situations, people and environments.  When you are shy you are constantly afraid of being judged negatively by other people and you tend to be oversensitive to criticism – sometimes interpreting harmless statements as stabs directed at you. This fear prevents you from making friends and joining in the activities you really want to be part of. It is heartbreaking to think that a little body and heart has to deal with such grown up (negative) emotions…

How do shyness come about? There are various factors that can contribute to being shy: Muz Online

  • Some children have a genetic predisposition to becoming shy, in other words it forms part of their temperament.

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  • Poor bonding between a parent and an infant can lead to a child with low self-esteem and poor social skills. These factors increase the likelihood that your child may turn out to be shy.
  • Parents who are shy are inadvertently teaching their child to interact with their environment in the same way. They are modeling shy behavior to their child.
  • Overprotective parents teach their children to be wary of new situations and people.
  • Constant teasing by brothers, sisters, parents or any other significant person in the child’s life can lead to low self-esteem and shyness.

It is difficult to believe that shyness is not all bad.  Shy children are more obedient than outgoing children, they listen more attentively in class and tend to try harder to achieve a desired level of work.  Fear of negative judgment is the driving force.

The negative consequences of shyness are that your child gets less practice in social interaction, has a fear of making new friends and finds it difficult to maintain friendships. Shy children avoid potential beneficial activities like sport, dancing and debate, because of a fear of embarrassing themselves. These children often feel lonely and left out, just adding to their low self-esteem and confidence.  Assertiveness is not a skill that these children possess.

How can we help our child to overcome shyness? Several strategies have been brought to the table to help parents help their children. No method is fool proof. This is a matter of persevering until you find what works for you and your child.

  • It is sometimes helpful to tell your child about times you felt shy and how you overcame those feelings of shyness. Emphasize how much better you felt after conquering your shyness and the benefits derived from it.
  • Describe the benefits of being more outgoing. These include having more friends, being able to make new friends, having more fun and being confident enough to participate in group-activities.
  • A parent must show empathy with your child when they are afraid to interact. Show that you understand that they are afraid and it is ok to feel afraid. Inform her that a lot of kids to feel the same way. Guide her to find ways to interact that would be easier.
  • Prevent other people from labeling your child as shy. Never refer to your child as being shy, rather say she is very out going with people she feels comfortable with. Labeling can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
  • Always praise your child for her efforts even if they are small. Boost her self-esteem and confidence will follow.
  • Set goals for her and measure her progress. Make it visible to her on a chart.
  • Be a model for her. Show her how you can comfortably interact with others, from adults to children. Nudge her to do the same, but never push.
  • Role playing with your child before entering new environments can be beneficial and take the edge of her fear, seeing that she already mastered it in a safe place.
  • Eliminate all teasing that breaks down her self-esteem. Something that you perceive as good-natured teasing can lead to deep-seated beliefs.
  • Never make an issue of her shy behavior, acknowledge fear but constantly praise progress.

If you feel your child’s shyness is becoming a problem of such magnitude that she seems depressed or starts to isolate her completely from her peers, it might be the right time to take her to professional.  Rather be safe than sorry.

When your child is having nightmares

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Published January 23rd 2009, in Nightmares

A nightmare is a scary dream.  Round about one out of every four children have a nightmare at least once a week.  Nightmares usually occur later in the sleep cycle.  You will probably wake up to your child’s calls for help between 4am and 6am. Children often have nightmares after physical or emotional events, when they are feverish or maybe just because he/she has a very active imagination.

What to do when your child had a nightmare?

  • Get to your child as soon as possible
  • Reassure your child that it was only a dream

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  • Explain that many people have scary dreams occasionally
  • Ensure your child knows that you acknowledge his feelings of being scared as real
  • Give your child the opportunity to talk about the dream to you or someone else who he trusts
  • Let your child draw pictures about the dream
  • Let your child write a story about the dream with a happy ending
  • Explore together alternate happy endings to the dream
  • Ensure that your child gets enough sleep on a daily basis
  • Make sure that even though he was scared, he is still in control.

What not to do when your child had a nightmare?

  • Do not let your child watch scary shows on TV or read scary books
  • Do not ignore your child’s cries for help
  • Do not get angry because your sleep was interrupted
  • DO NOT allow your child to sleep in your bed after a nightmare. Your child will start believing your bed is safe and his is dangerous. Before you know you might have a regular visitor in your bed! Rather stay with him in his bed until he feels safe and secure.

Nightmares differ from night terrors in the following manner:

  • Children wake up screaming
  • Extreme fear and panic is visible
  • The child will be sweating and breathing fast
  • Although he seems awake, he is confused and inconsolable
  • Your child will not recognize you
  • Usually last from 5 to 30 minutes after which he will return to his normal sleep
  • There will be no recall of this dream
  • Unlike nightmares, most people outgrow night terrors.

The best way to deal with a night terror is to be with your child and try to comfort him where you can.  Ensure that he is safe and do not  leave him until he has returned to normal sleep.  Do not try to wake your child up even though it might be very traumatic for a parent to witness their child going through this.