Family beds are not new.  In some cultures it has been done for thousands of years. I agree, it does enhance bonding and give children an extreme sense of safety and security.  Problems arise when you are not able to be there physically to play the role of the human pacifier. Sharing a bed with your child also deprives you and your partner of much needed privacy and worst of all (personally) is the fact that you might be sharing a bed when your newly potty trained girl have a little accident…

Why do we do this to ourselves?  It is because, the little person knows that at 2 am your resistance is at an all time low.  It is much easier to let her just jump into bed with you, than get up and try to get a hysterical child to sleep in her own bed in her own room.  The biggest problem is that when you allow it once, they know that if they persevere in their crying, eventually tiredness will win the battle and the bed will be their prize.  Worst of all, if one is in, how can you deny entry to the next one? It is just not fair…

What are the possible causes of your child’s night time wandering?

• Night Time Fears: Fear of monsters, spiders, etc. drives children every night to a big person’s bed. Arming your child with a flashlight, a monster deterring spray bottle or a protecting stuffed animal might do the trick.
• Jealousy: Sometimes jealousy prompts a child to get extra attention at night.  A sibling with special needs, or a newborn might make a child feel deprived and being able to snuggle at night will give much needed comfort.
• Fear of Growing Up: Some children are afraid of growing up – being small enough to share their parents’ bed reassures them that they will not lose affection and protection.

Some tips to keep your child in their own bed:

1. Make your child’s room look inviting. Decorate it age appropriately – is she into Barbie or Pooh Bear? If it looks nice, she will want to spend time there.  The more time she spends there, the more comfortable she will feel in that environment – even at night time.
2. The size of the bed might play a role.  Going directly from a crib to a single bed might be scary for a little one.  Putting up a guard rail might make her feel safer.  Another option is to use a toddler bed as a transition bed.  Toddler beds usually come in fun shapes and that can add to the attractiveness of the room. 
3. A special bedtime routine provides precious time that you and your child spend together giving her the much needed sense of security and bonding with you.  A bedtime routine that is followed every day gives your child a feeling  that things are predictable and safe.
4. Many children get up at night to go to the bathroom.  Make sure your little one goes to the toilet just before bed time.  If she does get up at night to come to your bed, redirect her to the bathroom, which she might need and make sure she goes to her own bed after that.
5. Do not lie down.  If you lie down with her until she is asleep, she will assume that you are there for the duration of her sleep. Waking up and finding herself alone, will cause anxiety and tears.
6. Establish the rule of sleeping in your own bed. If it is a rule, everyone has to adhere to it, even mommy and daddy. Mommies are not allowed to become weak when there is crying and whining. (This is for me the difficult part).  If she comes to your bed, she has to walk back immediately.  Important though:  No child should feel it is a punishment to go to bed.
7. A mattress next to the bed, might help to reduce tears. She is allowed to sleep in your room, but not in your bed.  It is usually not as comfortable to sleep on the mattress and she might make the decision to move back to her bed on her own.
   
8. 15 Minutes snuggle time before bed reassures your child that she is safe and loved.  Reassure her that you are near at all times whilst she is sleeping, this helps her to know she is safe.
9. Reinforce the fact that sleeping in your own bed is a sign of maturity.  “If you were not such a big girl, we would not think that you can sleep in this bed all by yourself.”
10. Be patient! Rome was not built in one day – the fact that your child is looking for you at night, means that you are loved and they feel loved by you!

Rest assured, your teenage girl or boy will not want to share their parents’ bed.  There is light at the end of the tunnel!

Explain to your child that sleeping is important to help their brains to remember what they learn .  Enough sleep improves concentration and attention span . Sleep helps with problem solving skills .  The body needs sleep for the muscles, bones and skin to grow .  Enough sleeps improves the body’s ability to fix injuries , stay healthy and fight any germs attacking the body.

If your child struggles to sleep, make sure the bedroom is cool, dark and quiet.  Any light in the room for example at TV or computer might disturb your child’s sleep.  A dim nightlight might provide enough comfort without preventing restful sleep.  It is useful for your child’s body to become familiar with a bedtime routine.  Going to bed at the same time every night and having a bedtime routine set (brushing teeth, using the toilet and listening to a story) will assist in the process of getting enough sleep.  Make sure that your child does not have any caffeine drinks in the afternoon or at nighttime. A big meal just before bedtime might make your child feel uncomfortable and prevent them from falling asleep.  Rather give a glass of hot milk and a small healthy snack if required.  Enough exercise during the day will tire your child and make going to bed easier.

As parents it is our responsibility to ensure that our children get enough and uninterrupted sleep.  Make sure that your child get the right amount of naps during the day at the right times.  When you have your child’s sleep schedule set, both of you will reap the benefits.

A well-rested child has the ability to concentrate better and therefore will find classes easier and less stressful.  Children who had a good night’s rest are more sociable and less grumpy than their counterparts who might appear hyperactive, irritated and tearful. Being able to better problem-solve will provide a sense of achievement, which in turns builds self-esteem and confidence.  These children will be more immune to opportunistic germs and be able to more active during the day.  Probably the biggest advantage from a parent’s point of view is that you will also be able to have higher quality and quantity of sleep!

What to do when your child had a nightmare?

• Get to your child as soon as possible
• Reassure your child that it was only a dream



• Explain that many people have scary dreams occasionally
• Ensure your child knows that you acknowledge his feelings of being scared as real
• Give your child the opportunity to talk about the dream to you or someone else who he trusts
• Let your child draw pictures about the dream
• Let your child write a story about the dream with a happy ending
• Explore together alternate happy endings to the dream
• Ensure that your child gets enough sleep on a daily basis
• Make sure that even though he was scared, he is still in control.

What not to do when your child had a nightmare?

• Do not let your child watch scary shows on TV or read scary books
• Do not ignore your child’s cries for help
• Do not get angry because your sleep was interrupted
• DO NOT allow your child to sleep in your bed after a nightmare. Your child will start believing your bed is safe and his is dangerous. Before you know you might have a regular visitor in your bed! Rather stay with him in his bed until he feels safe and secure.

Nightmares differ from night terrors in the following manner:

• Children wake up screaming
• Extreme fear and panic is visible
• The child will be sweating and breathing fast
• Although he seems awake, he is confused and inconsolable
• Your child will not recognize you
• Usually last from 5 to 30 minutes after which he will return to his normal sleep
• There will be no recall of this dream
• Unlike nightmares, most people outgrow night terrors.

The best way to deal with a night terror is to be with your child and try to comfort him where you can.  Ensure that he is safe and do not  leave him until he has returned to normal sleep.  Do not try to wake your child up even though it might be very traumatic for a parent to witness their child going through this.